A Christmas Cleaning Crisis
Panic begins to set in. You keep looking at the clock. Your company will be here in mere hours. You have worked so hard for about a week now. You have planned the menu, gone grocery shopping, set the table, baked goodies, and seasoned the meat. You have scrubbed toilets, oiled the furniture, mopped and vacuumed the floors. Your family has helped when asked to do a specific job, but rarely takes the initiative to do a task on their own accord.
By now you are frustrated with your family. They don’t seem to notice the flaws all over the house that jump out at you. Why? Because you have put on your “guest eyes” and look critically at your home. You are astonished by the layer of dust on your ceiling fan blades and dust bunnies under the china hutch. You wonder how they moved in without you noticing until now.
Everyone knows that you are frustrated. They can tell by the way you bark orders and the shortness of your responses to their questions. You begin wondering, “What was I thinking when I volunteered to host this event?” and “Next year I am not doing this. Someone else can.”
Does this sound familiar to you? Are you wondering how I know what you are like? Or does this sound like your wife? I am guilty of all the above behavior. It is something I keep trying to change about myself.
I was greatly encouraged by something Michelle Duggar wrote in her book, A Love that Multiplies. She has a sign at her front door that states, “My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.” She tells friends, “If you’re coming to see us, come anytime. If you came to see the house, please give us a two weeks’ notice.” The latter statement immediately affected me. I have since taken it and slightly modified it to sound more like me. Repeating the saying helps me relax. My guests are coming to visit us, not our house. It is a simple, but profound thought.
Todd Wilson, of Family Man Ministries, wrote in Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe, “…I like it when people drop in on short notice. It gives my wife less time to treat the rest of us like dirt.” His purpose for writing this particular book was to not make moms, including his wife, feel bad, guilty, or call us out. He is trying to encourage us that the reason we get like that is because we believe everyone else’s home is cleaner than ours.
Whether or not it is a lie, the important thing is to set your priorities right. A clean house has its place. It is not healthy to live in filth and squalor. For most of us, this isn’t the issue. Instead, our homes look like people live there. We have books out and toys. We wear clothes and therefore have to do laundry. We sleep in beds and don’t always make them. We might have mail cluttering our counter or dishes in the sink. Our homes do not look like they came straight out of a magazine.
One of the nicest things an older couple said to me when they dropped by unannounced is, “Your house looks like such a fun place to be.” At the time, I had to step over two Tonka trucks and a rip stick to greet them in my yard, which was littered with bikes and balls. I thought to myself, “Wow, what a cool thing to say!”
Your relationship with your husband and the relationships with each of your children is so much more important than an extremely clean house. Don’t provoke them to anger by placing your aspiration for a picture-perfect home over your loving care for them.
Words can hurt, tones of voice can repel, and bad attitudes are contagious. “Better is a dish of vegetables where love is than a fattened ox served with hatred (Proverbs 15:17). Another Proverb comes to mind, “Better to live on the corner of a roof than in a house shared with a nagging wife (Proverbs 25:24).
God knows how we can get as we aspire to impress others with our cleanliness that he shared the Mary and Martha story with us in Luke chapter 10. I don’t know about you, but at time I can completely relate to Martha’s frustration and stress. But we learn from Jesus himself that Mary had chosen what was better. She had her priorities correctly set.
It is the week before Christmas. If you are not reflecting on the most wonderful gift of all, Jesus, then you are missing the point. If you are alienating your immediate family, then you need to stop and ask their forgiveness. Re-evaluate your priorities. Enjoy your family. Make good memories. Make your house a home, not a sterile environment in an attempt to be perfect. Don’t have a Christmas Cleaning Crisis. It is not worth it.
Oh my, did my husband call you. That is exactly what I was like this past weekend. Thanks for reminding me that they do come to see us not the house. I do believe that we women are much harder on ourselves than we should be & we see our dirty things differently than others. Thanks again for a great post & a reminder, I dont want him sleeping on the roof.
Sharon,
I am glad I am not alone, but I completely described myself on too many occasions. I am certainly a work in progress and hope that I get better with every event or guest. You are right; women are too hard on themselves.
Lara