One-on-One Time
Sometimes you can get so caught up in life that you start losing your own life. Relationships suffer because you are so busy doing. Having small children can put a strain on you, too. They completely rely on you for everything. If you aren’t careful, your relationship with your spouse suffers.
Over a year ago, Lane and I committed to having a date night once a month. To some that does not sound often enough, but when we make a commitment we want to make sure that we do not break it. Once a month was doable for us. It is also harder to find a baby-sitter when you have five children.
Anyway, once a month we went out on a date. It does not matter what we do; it is all about spending one-on-one time together without interruptions or having to take someone to the bathroom during dinner. I always tell Lane, “I don’t care what we do. We can stand in the dollar store aisle for all I care. I just want to be with you.”
Well, we have never done that, but it truly would not matter to me. Sometimes we go to a Movie Tavern or Star Cinema Grill. It is nice to get dinner and a movie at the same time. Sometimes we go to a nice restaurant and spend a long time just talking to one another. Other times we do something else, but we set aside one night a month for us.
Another commitment we have made is talking to each other privately once a day. I did not realize how much I enjoy chit-chatting with my husband. The act of just sharing how our days went is meaningful when done privately. Again, it is spending one-on-one time with one another even for five minutes.
I am a big believer in taking baby steps that move you in the right direction. So, we are now expanding our one-on-one time to our children, too. Once a month, either Lane or I will do something with just one of our children. They will get mom or dad’s undivided attention.
Sometimes we will do something to share our interests or passions. Sometimes we will do something that only they want to do. Sometimes the outing will be small and inexpensive while others will be big and cost more. The important thing will be spending time together purposefully.
We already spend almost all day of every day together. After all we are a home-schooling family with both parents working from home. But like my marriage relationship improved after spending one-on-one time, our time with the individual children will also strengthen our relationships.
Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy Ministries calls this tying heart strings. In order to have strong familial relationships, you must work at it. You must consciously strengthen your bonds with one another. You must tie heart strings in order to build our relationships.
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, uses this one-on-one time as his 3rd habit. He recognizes the importance of building close bonds with the members of your family. It sounds great, but can you really have one-on-one time with everyone in your family during a 30-day period?
Well, Mr. Covey is the father of nine children. He and his wife not only had their own time, but also made time for their nine children. Therefore, it is possible. Lane and I should have it easy then with about half the number of children.
It is not easy because it has to be intentional. It has to be planned to a certain extent. You have to make the time for one another. You cannot just live life and it happen on its own. Okay, maybe once or twice it will happen, but not consistently.
I don’t know anyone who laid on his/her deathbed who lamented the fact that they did not work enough. Usually people lament the fact that they did not spend enough time with their family. I want to lay on my deathbed confident that I gave my family my all. Instituting one-on-one time with your spouse and children is a great way to ensure that you a building relationships and tying heart strings.
Start small with baby steps. Start with your most important familial relationship: your spouse. Make time for each other, and then later expand to the rest of your family. Since you reap what you sow, purposefully sow the seeds of fellowship with the members of your family. You might be surprised at what you harvest.
Hi Lara,
Hubby and I go out every Sunday night. We have teenagers who babysit so it’s a little easier than it was 15 years ago.
OR we wait until the younger ones go to bed and then go out. That way the teenagers just have to be present, and not necessarily “in charge.”
What do we do? For the most part, we go to McDonald’s and have tea and french fries. We rarely spend more than 3-5 dollars.
It’s not about spending money, going out for a fancy meal, or being entertained. It’s about being together.
Healthy eating has really been good for my family. It’s very satisfying to grow and then prepare your own food.
This really makes for great bonding time and when you have a big family, this is a great thing to do!! We take our dating times with one another and with our children very serious to heart! ~ gotta love some one on one time with the family! ~ grow close and grow together!
~Cindy