Purpose for Music?
One of the reasons that I study the Bible is to try to learn from other people’s mistakes. It is much easy to see why David was a “man after God’s own heart” when you read his Psalms. However, you can also learn from his many sins involving Bathsheba. Learning things the easy way is why I also listen to other people’s advice. It does not mean that I always take one’s advice; it means that I listen and consider it.
Clayton playing the violin.
So when my thirteen year old son decides that he wants to quit playing the violin after 6-1/2 years of lessons, what do I do? I talk to adult violinists. I also talk to people who at one time or another played the violin. The consensus without a doubt was do NOT let him quit.
Let me start at the beginning. Clayton has always loved music. His heart has always been drawn to classical music. I am sure that most kids his age do not have Vivaldi on their iPods, but he does. He begged for two years to play the violin before we even tried to find a teacher. Violins, like most musical instruments, are an investment. Clayton immediately took to it and progressed quickly through the Suzuki method. God blessed him with an amazing ear for music.
At first, Clayton would drag anyone who visited our home to the living room so that he could perform his newest song. People patiently listened to him play “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and “Go Tell Aunt Rhody” for the twentieth time. As he advanced he enjoyed showing off his newest piece as each piece became more and more difficult.
When he was between ten and eleven years old, he experienced his first slump. He wanted to quit then, but I told him, “No.” He switched for a couple of months to fiddle music. Clayton had fun playing “Cotton Eyed Joe” and “Boil ‘Em Cabbage,” but his heart yearned for the classical style. We quickly changed back and his interest in violin enjoyed a rebirth. He plunged ahead in his Suzuki books.
We had the same violin teacher this whole time. Unfortunately for us (not her), she is expecting her second child and decided to quit traveling to College Station to teach. So we had to find another teacher. We hired one. She is a great violinist, but she and Clayton did not “click.” So now we are trying out another new teacher tomorrow. On the advice of his first teacher, he is switching from the Suzuki method to the traditional method. We hope that he will enjoy playing music without having to memorize his pieces.
However, he does not want another violin teacher; he just wants to stop taking lessons altogether. So here’s a question: At what age or ability does one allow their child to make the decision? Every adult violinist has told me to keep him in violin. They explained that everyone goes through slumps and that he will get excited about it again. Everybody that quit playing a musical instrument as a child has told me how much they regretted the fact that they quit. They too advised me to keep him in violin.
I look at it slightly different. I never once suggested that he play any instrument. I am not gifted with any musical ability except for the fact that I appreciate music. Clayton begged me to allow him to play the violin, the instrument of his choice. He is also very talented. Therefore, I believe that God put this in his heart and gave him this gift. I do not want him to quit. I do want him to regain his love for it. I do want him to enjoy it again. I do want him to use his gift.
My husband and I have discussed this with him at length. The second teacher began his first lesson with the question, “What are your goals?” He did not have any. He has no purpose to play anymore. He does not want to perform anymore because he is self-conscious. I believe that the best way to learn anything is to have a purpose. An upcoming mission trip to Mexico will give anyone the incentive to study Spanish with a vengeance. You will learn quickly because you have a reason to learn.
So far your comments and e-mails have been encouraging and helpful. Therefore, I am opening this up to discussion. Most importantly, how do you gain a purpose for playing the violin? We need some ideas. Does anyone disagree with me and think that he should quit? If so, please explain. I would love to know what ya’ll think.
Just as you mentioned going on a mission trip to Mexico will give a person an incentive to study Spanish, maybe, you can find a concert/recital/orcastra that has a large violin section to take him to. It might rekinda his love of the music he can create with it.
or on the spiritual side of things, if your son is old enough that he understands and accepts GOD’s leadings of one’s life…encourage him to be open with GOD and ask GOD if he should truly quit. GOD may want to use your son in a profound way with his gift. I know for myself the violin has a sweet sound that has touched my heart in a healing way. It can be used to worship and help bring others to worship our magnifacent GOD.
Just my two cents.
Thank you, Crystal. You bring up some good ideas that I had not yet considered.
We have very similar kids. My classical-loving daughter, now just turned 15, also begged for a violin for many years before we finally agreed to rent one on trial. The two of them, child and instrument, became one. We went halves with her on her own instrument. After only two years of lessons off and on, and three different teachers, she was at the point where continuing would mean hard work. It was at this same time that her current teacher, the best one ever(!), moved out of the area. And there went my daughter’s motivation. She wanted to quit.
We allowed her to stop the lessons (conveniently for her there were no other instructors in our rural area) but asked her to play each day for at least 15 minutes. At first it was dullsville for her, but after a while she began to teach herself with http://www.violinmasterclass.com and other sites. Having the responsibility for her own music education brought her interest back.
) We found tons of “new” sheet music at http://hemingways-studio-dowloads.blogspot.com, and she played along with orchestral recordings. The Lord brought into her life some great motivating opportunities to continue. Now she plays for church twice a week and entertains the elderly folk at our local nursing home twice a month, plays weekly in a little chamber group, and has three beginner students.
When she quit lessons I was concerned that her talent would be wasted, but I also prayed the Lord would be glorified however it turned out. (Maybe he was protecting her from loving her instrument more than she loved him. ??) That was our number one goal in her musical pursuits. Now looking back, I am thankful she took a break and assumed the responsibility for her own musical education. While we still don’t have access to a teacher, my daughter knows that she needs more professional instruction. But there is time. For now she does what she can, and she loves it.
Sorry I took so much space here; of course every story doesn’t turn out like this one, but I wanted to encourage you not to worry about letting your son take a break. (If someone had said the same thing to me when my daughter wanted to quit I would have worried anyway.)
) Email me if you want to compare notes. See my profile at my blog for the address.
Sally
Sally,
Thank you so much for sharing your daughter’s story. It does make me feel better. My son has finally found a teacher that he likes. She teaches with a different method which has brought back some interest. He thinks violin is fun again. Yeah!!!
Lara
Lara,
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Having the right teacher makes all the difference, doesn’t it? Were you previously doing Suzuki lessons? That is what we started with, but after the first six months we went to a very out-of-the-box teacher. She was perfect for my kids, especially for the very creative one! It was such a blessing while it lasted. Rejoicing with you. It’s a relief to have him continuing, isn’t it?
Sally
Yes, I love the fact that he loves it again. And yes, he did the Suzuki Method for 6 years, which is a great method to begin with. I would not do it differently with any of my other children. Clayton just got tired of having to memorize his pieces and he was getting into three page long pieces. Now he is really focusing on reading music fluently and playing a variety of pieces from five different books. Change has been good for him.