Halawa Valley in Molokai, Hawaii.

Presented with an opportunity to change the look of my bedroom, I am seizing the moment to create a space for my husband and myself only.  For years our room has been wall to wall furniture, including a crib, changing table, desk, etc.  We moved our son, Isaac, out of our room about the time to bring Andrew home.  Needless to say, my room was not a tranquil, relaxing space.  It merely served as a place my exhausted body collapsed for intermittent sleep between feedings.

By not taking the time to recharge my “batteries”, I depleted my body of its necessary balance to function properly.  My adrenal gland crashed.  My thyroid gland is also not working properly.  In other words, I had not taken care of myself and I am paying for it now.

I was slowly restoring my body with a doctor’s supervision by taking supplements, resting well at night, etc.  Weight that had never budged was beginning to finally fall off of me.  Then, Andrew had his accident with the household cleaner.  Unfortunately the stress of the injury and recovery really impacted me adversely.  My weight is all back without any change in eating or exercise.  This is only one symptom of the imbalance in my body.  It also shows how easily your body can get off kilter.

We have been very busy not only repairing the damage to our bed and bathroom from Ike, but also in trying to create a personal retreat for me.  We have moved in all the furniture that we are going to use in our bedroom.  I want to hang a few paintings and some photographs I took on a trip to Hawaii, of which you can see two.  I also want to splurge on getting window treatments.  I have never had any in my bedroom before.  My step-mom, who could be a professional seamstress, generously volunteered to help me make some.  I am so excited!

My desire for a place of my own goes well with the advice of Karen Andreola in her book, The Charlotte Mason Companion.  I have referred to this book in a previous article as it pertained to homeschooling; however, Ms. Andreola speaks a good deal about Mother Culture.  What is that you might ask?  Well simply put, Mother Culture is taking a set amount of time everyday to do something for yourself.  Mothers in general so selflessly give of their time, talents, and resources that they often do not feel that it is necessary to indulge their own desires or needs.  Fathers can easily fall prey to this problem as well.  They too work and work until there is no more time in the day to do anything else.

Papahaku beach on the west end of Molokai.

Where do you carve this time from?  Debi Pearl in her book, Created to be His Help-Meet, reveals that she treasured her children’s nap time.  She usually had two hours a day to herself.  She insisted her children rested for that length of time.  Karen Andreola recommends starting small.  Take ten minutes if that is all the time you think you can spend on yourself.  Then slowly add more as you realize that you can find the time for yourself.

Ideas of what to do:

• Take a nap,
• Read a book,
• Write a letter, story, poem, etc.,
• Learn something new,
• Sew,
• Play a musical instrument,
• Paint,
• Go on a walk,
• Jump on the trampoline by yourself,
• Sit in absolute quiet, …

The point of Mother Culture is to do anything that interests you.  It is delight-directed education at its best.  This educational theory is better explained on Heart of Wisdom, but in short, you follow your interests.  You will dig deeper into any subject and find nuggets of knowledge.   Follow your heart, but most importantly do it for yourself.  This is not a rejection of mother/fatherhood.  It is not a rejection of your awesome responsibilities.  Rather, it is a way to keep yourself happy, healthy, and excited which will enable you to be a better parent and spouse.  It will give you something to talk about in addition to your children.  It will keep you young at heart.

I did not even realize that I took very little if any time for myself.  Life was life, and I for the most part enjoyed my role.  I had learned to live with the extra weight.  I had learned to live with the chronic fatigue.  I had learned to live with little energy.  Hopefully, I have learned my lesson.  I do not like having to work at restoring my health.  It is so much easier to maintain it.

I strongly urge you to evaluate your life.  Do you need to carve some time out for yourself?  Do you need to create a space just for you?  Decide what you would like to do or learn.  Is there some novel you have always wanted to read?  Is there any skill you have always wanted to acquire?  Why wait until your children are older and gone?  Be the poster child for delight-directed learning.  Be eager to try new things.  Don’t be afraid to fail.  Find and restore yourself.

When I go into my beautiful new bedroom, I feel like I am on vacation.  It is so different from what my room looked like before.  It is perfect for my husband and I.  It is tropically-inspired because our fondest memories are of our beach trips.  It is therefore a relaxing and enjoyable place for me.  And, I have the need for Mother Culture.

Tags: adrenal fatigue, charlotte mason, Created to be his help-meet, Debi Pearl, Karen Andreola, mother culture, recharge batteries, The Charlotte Mason Companion, thyroid problems

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 at 6:45 am and is filed under For Women, Homeschooling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.