On the Journey to Manhood
Almost all cultures of the world had at one time, if they don’t anymore, a rite of passage ceremony. Native Americans went on vision quests. Aborigines went on a walkabout. Jews have Bar Mitzvahs and Bat Mitzvahs. Hispanics celebrate their daughters 15th birthday in a big way with a quinceañera. These are just some of the most commonly known rites of passage ceremonies.
All of these ceremonies share similarities. These events or ceremonies recognize a child’s journey to becoming an adult. Inspired by these ceremonies and looking around at the society in which I live, I read Raising a Modern-Day Knight many years ago. This book gave examples of how families today are raising their sons specifically to grow up and be men, not over-grown boys. I was immediately intrigued and inspired to do something similar. This book really spoke to what I had been wanting to do with my now four sons. I wanted them to have a direction in life instead of graduating and being lost in the shuffle. I wanted them to have time under my care to search out what they truly desire to do in life. We have many conversations about finding your gift or talent, something you truly enjoy doing, and then finding a way to make money doing it. I could continue on my reasons and beliefs, but I am going to jump to what we do.
PawPaw presented Clayton with his own deer rifle.
At the age of eight, we start talking to my boys about becoming a man. We discuss what manhood means to them. We talk about men in our life or reading who have characteristics that they admire. The door is open to any conversation about the roles of men and manhood. The boys also start looking forward to their 13th birthday, which is when my husband and I chose to celebrate their coming to age, if you will.
Friday, May 1st, my oldest son, Clayton, turned 13. True to our word, we threw him a big party inviting our “village.” I do believe that it takes a village to raise a child; however, the bulk of the responsibility lies solely on the parents. Family came from as far away as Dallas and friends of Clayton came with their entire families.
Clayton chose the menu. We grilled hamburgers, made potato salad, heated up ranch-style beans, and made a fruit salad. We had gluten-free cake and regular chocolate cupcakes. We served homemade goat ice cream and regular vanilla ice cream. After dinner and cake, we had the gift presentation.
Clayton's immediate family at his party.
I said a few words explaining what this party meant to our family. I thanked the guests for not only coming and participating. My dad presented Clayton with his own deer rifle. Clay was so excited. My mom gave him a beautiful, leather bound journal. My husband and I gave Clay a large toolbox. Kyla and Jake bought a 20 piece screwdriver set. Our other guests presented Clayton with tools to help fill his toolbox. The most important gift that Clayton received, in my opinion, was the blessing from my husband and I to begin making some of his own decisions in life.
We are gifting him with the right to have a voice in the direction his life can take. He will now have to decide to continue on the home-school path we are on or to chose to go to public school. Through this process I think I am beginning to understand God a little better. He loves us enough to give us free will even though we don’t always make the right decisions. It is love that motivates me to offer this gift to Clayton.
In addition to his decision-making right, Clayton is going to have to take on more responsibility at home. He is going to have to begin learning some skills. Already he is showing promise in carpentry, but for Clayton science seems to be his true passion. He also really enjoys violin. Who knows what life will bring and Clayton will choose.
We visited and enjoyed to moment. These 13 years have gone by so quickly that the next five will just be a blink of my eye and Clayton will be an adult. I hope that he will also be a man. I have three more boys waiting to grow into men. My third child starts his journey this May when he turns eight.
I just felt compelled to share this experience and ideology. If you do something similar in your family, I would love to hear what you do for your children. It might give me some ideas to tweak the future13th birthday parties around here.
I also as you ,homeschool and have 5 children all boys. We seem to share alot of ideas on raising a boy to becoming a man. My oldest is 21 and youngest is 14. With my first boy I planned the same things out for him..Welcome to Manhood… sad to say , it really backfired!He started calling his own shoots saying it was his choice and this is what he wants…He choose public school, of course he did ..he did not want mom all the time, and did not want to help with the daily responsibilities as his father and I and siblings were doing, he wanted free time to do what HE WANTED!!! Friends that i could not approve of {because there are all kinds in school}, Girls were persuading him and even though he knew I did not want this for him he choose it because he was persuaded so hard {and now days other families do not have guidance for their children or a good moral backgrounds} At age 15 1/2 He announced to his father and I that he has been with the same girl for over a year and now she is pregnant!! Yep,I lost & society won…another teen having sex before 18 !! I do love my son ,and my grandchild, and his wife who has stuck with him.
I know this is such a negitive feedback to your wonderful story, but I just want you to know , you sound as though you are right in what you are doing and you are working wonders with your children and with the lord there by your side . Don’t Give in to what you do not believe…I did learn from my mistakes and my sons that followed did not get the welcome to manhood…until 17!! By then hopefully they can beat the struggles of pear pressure and if they choose to go to school even at 16, they are are more intouch with themselves as a person.. mind ,body, and soul!! God has just really blessed you with the gift of being able to teach and raise your kids,don’t give in to society -
Thank you so much for opening up to me and sharing your experiences. When my son brought up wanting to go to public school last year, I was devastated as I felt like you that he was rejecting me, our lifestyle, and our beliefs. He has done well this year even though he has been at home, but he still wants to go. I feel that I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I do NOT want him to go. I also don’t want him resenting me either. You definitely gave me something to think about. I still have time, just not as much as I would like to have before school starts again. Thank you again, Tiffany.
A mother’s decision on raising one’s child is not an easy task, but I believe you just have to have faith in whatever decision is made. Both of my older children go to public school and yes, there are pros and cons to public school as much as there are to home school.
I do feel that my children have a lot of benefits. They are allowed to try challenging classes, they have a great pick in choosing interesting electives, such as art and band , Spanish, wood working, and a lot more. Public schools also provide children with ways of competing if they wish to do so, such as U.I.L and sports.
Another thing, that I feel is very important available at public school is the opportunity children and young teens have,is the right to choose a best friend, build friendships, have communication with same sex individuals as well as the opposite sex. Yes, as a mother we are not there at school for the child if there is a problem or a heart break… but, these are all learning experiences that build one’s character and brings strength to the child.
I know that there are mistakes that children can and might make, but they will learn and grow and overcome and be strong adults because of learning experiences.
I am sorry for the teen pregnancies that can happen, and I do know that it does even happen to great kids. ~ You just have to keep the faith! ~ whatever decision is made this following 2010 school year, all will be okay and all will be a lead decision through God. Lara, You are a great , wonderful mother and either way Clayton will be okay! ( with homeschooling , or if he goes to public school)
~ just wanted you to hear some great benefits and feelings on public schools. Love, Cindy
Cindy,
I appreciate your remarks. Everyone should know what their reasons are for whatever decision they make. This article is older and we did continue to home school Clayton throughout the 2009-2010 school year.
Lara
Hi Lara ~ Sorry, I sure did not mean to confuse anyone. I have just been talking with Clayton and thought I would refer back to some older post that deal with school. This was one of them that you had told me about and I really just wanted to add some positive things about the public schools, for deciding on this year’s 2010-2011 school year for Clay.
Love, Cindy